Hello my friends,
Well I landed on Job 31 today where Job asserts his integrity and, wow, what a list of goodness he has to present. Not too long ago I composed a letter similar on a smaller scale asserting what I had done right trying to "convince." It was messy. And, like Job, there were many "I" statements and I did verse 35, "Behold here is my signature."
Shortly thereafter the Lord showed me deeply that much of it was true; however, He had much deeper things to show me. You see, I was sitting on the surface of humanism trying to negotiate goodness and fairness while all the while God wanted me to see deeply what He needed to transform and mold. I was mad, I cried, I did not understand at all. And worse yet, it did not improve a thing because God had much to do in me that I could not see. I was even deliberate to display/convey how God had worked in me this and that…which was also true.
The problem was that I was not deeply listening to God that He wanted to do more! I was like, "Do more? Isn't this painful enough?" Now as you read this, please bare in mind I’m not comparing myself to Job. Impossible. I’m nothing of the sort. However, if all scripture is God-breathed we can certainly glean pieces that are relatable which is what I’m trying to convey.
What the Lord wanted me to see deeper was full dependency on Him. It is so easy for me to place dependency and emphasis on what God has already done, or people in my life walking with God (a vulnerability with me who is wired deeply relational and extroverted!). The list stretches on from here to ad nauseam. It is wonderful to look back and rejoice on much but at the end of chapter 31, another small verse, "The words of Job are ended." I love words and have loads of them. However, it is when "my words finally end" and my arguments end and I put a signature and say done. Then the Lord says, "Good Cari, now it’s my turn to speak." It is not cruel; it is deep love, because it is then I realize that He will finish - but I must surrender deeper and quiet myself to let it happen!
Love,
Cari
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